What's Holding You Back from Concentrating on Yourself?

If you can't control your emotions, then your emotions will control you. You will succeed because you want it. Face yourself, endure solitude, and learn to be alone. Who said that? It was Arthur Schopenhauer. But the truth is, most people naturally fear loneliness and feel lonely when they're by themselves. Facing yourself is tough. Still, there's a good reason Schopenhauer emphasized being alone and confronting yourself. The message I want to share today isn't just about Schopenhauer's philosophy. Understanding this can make a huge difference in your life one, two, or even five years later. Don't live your life to show off to others. Bring insights from books into your life. I want to share my thoughts, adding Schopenhauer's perspective to think about these things together. True happiness starts with genuinely facing yourself, not just focusing on others.

Relying on what others think and being swayed by your surroundings isn’t real happiness; it’s temporary satisfaction. It’s far from the psychological stability you should be enjoying. Your true happiness doesn’t come from what you have but from who you are. More money, a nicer neighbourhood, a bigger house, or a flashy career won’t guarantee happiness. Real happiness comes from within, from being content with yourself and being able to love yourself enough.
Most importantly, it starts when you understand your worth in solitude and acknowledge that value. Yet, for many people today, taking time to reflect in solitude feels like a luxury. Constantly checking your smartphone and relying on others for validation only leaves you feeling empty. So, take some time to ask yourself who you are. How do you start? Just begin with 10 minutes a day.

Just sit still and focus on your thoughts without doing anything at all. At first, it might feel awkward, anxious, or even a bit boring. But if you keep at it for just a few days, you'll start confronting the desires and fears buried deep inside you. The passions and fears you discover in this solitude aren’t just emotional baggage; they’re crucial signals about where your life is headed and what’s going wrong. During this process, you might feel overwhelmed by confusing emotions. You might wonder, "Why am I thinking this?" or "Where is this feeling coming from?" This confusion is a normal part of the journey and is clear evidence that you’ve started to talk to yourself. Now, it’s time to listen to that inner voice. It’s been there all along, but you’ve been ignoring it. Your desires, regrets, fears, and dreams are finally trying to converse with you. Don’t turn away from that voice like you have before. If you’re afraid of loneliness and avoiding that inner voice, it just shows you’re being weak. Please face reality.

Face it. The only reason you're avoiding loneliness right now is that it's super uncomfortable. But remember, discomfort is a must for growth. If you don't confront this discomfort, you'll be tossed around by other people's standards and environments, wasting your life. It might seem like your life is yours, but you're just living a puppet life, dragged along by others' expectations and judgments. Most people can't even admit their own foolishness; they blame it on someone else when they finally do. Do you think you're unhappy right now? It's not anyone else's fault; you ignored your inner voice. Face this uncomfortable truth in solitude—that's the only way to change. Loneliness is a mirror that shows your true self. If you're scared to look into that mirror, you're just fooling yourself. Above all, loneliness strips away all the lies in your life. If you're doing things you don't even want to do and just wasting your one and only life, then what are you really doing?

The truth will become apparent in solitude: Why am I living like this? What do I want? If you run away without answering these questions, you’ll spend your life working for someone else’s dreams. Those who can’t handle loneliness have no choice but to live for others, which isn’t freedom; it’s being a slave. If you genuinely want to be free, you need to be honest with yourself in that solitude. Face the mirror. Confront the issues. That’s where change begins.  And here’s something important: this solitude isn’t just about having time to think. If you’ve heard that inner voice calling for you to redesign your life, it’s time to take action. Just realizing the problem doesn’t change anything. Knowing what makes you unhappy doesn’t automatically fix it. If you’ve identified the problem, you have to move forward to change and fix it. I’ll share some practical steps to help you do that. First, break your goals down into smaller parts. Listen to that inner voice.

I want to grow every single day. If you say that, you need to plan precisely how you will grow. Decide clearly what you're going to do today. Whether reading a book, learning a new skill, or starting to exercise, you can always start small. The important thing is to take action right away—don't wait until tomorrow to start correctly. That kind of thinking is your biggest enemy, and you need to change it. Move right now! Above all, break your goals into smaller parts and take detailed actions. If reading a whole book feels overwhelming, just read 10 pages. If beginning to exercise seems challenging, at least go outside for a walk. What matters isn’t the action size but that you start. Secondly, cut out meaningless time. How much of your 24-hour day are you spending on yourself? Most people waste their days without even realizing it, scrolling through social media or watching pointless videos for hours. Those wasted moments add up.

Your life is what you make of it. A foolish person wastes time, while a wise person makes the most of it. Cut out those unnecessary habits and use that time just for yourself. Why not start by tracking how you spend a day? Write down what you do each hour, and you'll be shocked by what you find. So many things eat away at your time—mindless phone chats, pointless internet browsing—way more than you think. You need to be able to sacrifice the less important stuff for what truly matters to you. How you use your time right now is shaping your future. Stop wasting time and start using it wisely for yourself. And saying you don’t have time? That’s just an excuse. You create your own time. You'll never change your life if you can’t even invest 30 or 10 minutes into yourself. Saying you don’t have time means your priorities are off. Spend your time on what matters and cut out the unnecessary.

"Redesign your day. How you use your time ultimately shapes your life. Third, make your fears concrete. Fears grow when you run away from them but shrink when you face them. However, many people do the opposite—they ignore their fears or try to suppress them. The more you do this, the bigger the problem gets. If you don't look at your fears, they'll hold you back for life. For example, let’s say you have vague fears like, 'What if I fail?' or 'What if people think I'm weird?' Don’t just leave those thoughts hanging; write them down. Get specific about what those fears mean. Vague fears can feel like a massive wall, but you break them down as you write them out. What happens when you break them down? They become smaller. And smaller fears are much easier to handle. If starting something new scares you, break that fear into steps. Ask yourself, 'Why am I scared?' I’m afraid of failing. I’m not enough."

"I feel unprepared, and I'm scared that people around me will laugh at me. But is that fear justified? If I fail, what will I lose? If I lack preparation, what can I learn to fill that gap? Are other people's reactions really that important in my life? As you think through these questions, you'll realize your fears aren't as big as you imagine. Most fears come from uncertainty, and solutions start to appear if you break that uncertainty down. Yes, hidden in your fears are growth opportunities. Where there’s fear, there’s a mountain to climb, strengthening you. Face your fears head-on. Once you act, those fears will gradually become your strengths. Start talking about your fears right now. Most people are superficial, and interacting with them can leave you feeling empty. Being around many people can often drain you and dilute your true self. Real growth happens when you’re alone."

When you're in a crowd, you try so hard to fit everyone else's standards that you lose sight of who you are. Like I said before, how can you even begin to understand yourself without those moments alone? People who are afraid to be alone lack the courage to face themselves. They dive into the crowd to escape their inner anxiety and emptiness, but all they get is temporary comfort—true peace and freedom will never come from that. If you seek solace in the crowd, all you'll end up with is drained energy and a lost sense of self. So please, don’t be afraid of solitude; accept it as it is. Relationships with others are essential—we can't live in total isolation. But your connections with others shouldn't be the center of your life. The moment you let the noise of others drown out your voice, you lose your true self. Constantly engaging in shallow conversations, putting on fake smiles, and obsessing over what others think will only lead you away from who you are.

Spending all your energy can really cloud your identity. You often don't realize how clueless you might be in a crowd. Keep your relationships just enough and only with people who really matter. Don’t try to hang out with too many folks. What truly reveals who you are isn’t the crowd, but your time alone. A lot of great people in history didn’t shy away from solitude; they used it to toughen up and tap into their creativity. For them, being alone wasn’t just about being alone; it was a way to come up with world-changing ideas and works. In solitude, they faced themselves and achieved things no one else could. For instance, Cambridge University shut down when the Black Plague hit England in 1665. Isaac Newton was just 24 and had to go back home, cut off from all social life. At first, that isolation might have felt tedious, but he didn’t waste it. He reflected, experimented, and significantly contributed to humanity in his alone time.

One of the greatest inventions in history is the law of universal gravitation. Newton constantly talked to himself while watching an apple fall and sought answers to understand the world. During this time, he also developed the theories of calculus and optics. Ultimately, this solitude became the driving force behind the scientific revolution. Van Gogh, too, had to fight his battles with loneliness throughout his life. He lived in complete isolation and faced significant conflicts in his relationships due to mental health issues and financial struggles. However, that isolation became the fertile ground for his genius. He deeply observed nature and his emotions in solitude, pouring that energy onto the canvas. His masterpieces, like "Starry Night" and "Sunflowers," were all born from that profound loneliness. He once said, "Art is born out of pain." Indeed, loneliness isn't something to avoid; it's a necessary condition to embrace. If Newton hadn't used his isolation during the plague to push himself, someone else would have led the scientific revolution instead of him. If Van Gogh hadn’t...

If you avoid loneliness and cling to others' approval, your work will be one of millions of ordinary pieces. If you don’t choose solitude, other people's standards will sweep your life away. You’ll end up craving applause and validation from others, forgetting who you are, just another face in the crowd. But when you face yourself in solitude, you can finally discover your unique potential. So, I’ll ask again: Are you ready to confront yourself in solitude? Do you know your actual goals in life? Is what you’re doing helping you grow, or is it just holding you back? You might have lost your voice if you can’t answer those questions. And the only way to get it back is to embrace solitude. As humans, we’re weakest when we become slaves to our emotions. Emotions are fleeting and fickle; no one sticks around for long, whether anger, joy, or sadness. Yet, people still let those feelings control them.

People often lose themselves when their emotions take over their reason. It's in those moments that we become the most vulnerable. A person consumed by anger can destroy themselves, while someone overwhelmed by sadness can lose their will to live, and a person lost in joy might forget what’s real. All these outcomes result from choices made by those who couldn’t manage their emotions, and of course, the consequences come back to bite them. The moment your emotions control you, you’re not a free person anymore; you’re just living with the chains you’ve made for yourself. Maximilien Robespierre was caught up in the movement's fervour during the French Revolution. He was determined to dismantle an unjust system and led the revolution with a sense of righteous anger. At first, his rage seemed to represent justice, but as it spiralled out of control, it consumed him. Gripped by doubt and hostility, he even turned on his allies, continuing a reign of terror. In the end, his anger led to his downfall, and he met his end on the guillotine. What about feelings of sadness? Alexander the Great, one of the greatest conquerors…

He was a standout, but he started crumbling under sadness. The death of his trusted friend and companion, Hephaestion, left a deep scar in his life and plunged him into a deep sorrow. Instead of overcoming that sadness, he let it consume him and chose a path of self-destruction. Alexander spent his days drowning in excessive drinking and emotional outbursts. In the end, this behaviour took a toll on his health, and he died young. The price he paid for not managing his grief was more than just his death; his sudden passing shook the very foundation of the empire, leading to division and decline. Joy can be just as dangerous. Napoleon's downfall resulted from being swept away by excessive confidence and happiness. In 1812, he invaded Russia, driven by an ambition to dominate Europe completely. He believed his victories would never end and was blinded by an overwhelming sense of confidence and joy. But that joy and confidence clouded his judgment, leading to disaster in the harsh conditions of Russia.

He overlooked the issues of winter and supply lines, and despite his initial successes, his army crumbled in the face of the harsh Russian winter and relentless attrition. Starting with 600,000 troops, less than a tenth returned to France. Uncontrolled emotions are the most potent poison that can lead a person to ruin. When your feelings sway you, you’re no longer in charge—you become a slave to anger, a servant to sadness, and a puppet to joy. When you feel anger, take a step back; it’ll instantly consume you and destroy everything you’ve built. When sadness comes knocking, look at it, but don’t let it take over; it drains all your will and hope. If joy finds you, don’t get carried away—stay grounded because joy can be a tricky trap wearing a charming mask. Those who can’t control their emotions will never be truly free. Remember, if you can’t manage your feelings, those feelings will manage you. Ignorance is humanity's greatest enemy, but the ignorant don’t even realize their ignorance or don’t want to.

They think they know everything they need to know and take pride in their ignorance. Ignorance always comes with arrogance. The less you know, the more you think you do, and then you speak loudly and act shamelessly in front of the world. That's the essence of ignorance. Don't you see people like that around you? What about you? You're saying that because you don't know. Have you ever seen me say something wrong? Don't talk nonsense. Some people casually dismiss others' opinions and advice, believing only their thoughts are the truth. They keep deceiving themselves and never make any progress. Yes, ignorance hides ignorance, and arrogance defends that ignorance. Galileo Galilei uncovered the truth of the heliocentric theory through his observations and research. However, his discoveries were blocked by human ignorance and the arrogance of the religious authorities at that time, who feared their power being challenged and chose to oppress and deny the truth rather than accept it.

They chose their path, not wanting to understand the truth, dismissing anything that didn't fit their existing beliefs. Back then, the church labelled Galileo's research as heresy and suppressed him to maintain their authority. But what they were terrified of was the truth. Galileo didn’t give up on his research despite religious threats; he confidently stated, "But the Earth moves." Today, Galileo's name stands as a symbol of scientific inquiry. The moment you stop learning, you trap yourself in prison. That prison gets tighter over time; inside, you slowly deceive yourself and head towards ruin. This invisible prison limits your thinking, blocks new possibilities, and ultimately makes you powerless. I already know enough; I'm fine; I don’t need to learn more. The more you get caught up in thoughts like these, the stronger and taller the walls of your prison become. So, how are you living right now? Most people are just living in the moment.

They sacrifice the present for some vague future, always telling themselves they'll be happy later. But that future never really comes. When you reach it, it just turns into another present. So their lives end up feeling pointless and endless. If you can't fully live today, how can you live tomorrow? Do you think someone who can't find happiness now will suddenly feel it someday? If you don’t know how to be grateful now, do you think it’ll hit you out of nowhere later? Happiness isn’t a promise of the future; it exists only in the present moment. People who can’t enjoy the now won’t find happiness in the future. Those who ignore the present are wasting their lives—they never truly own it. Life isn’t about preparing for the future; it only exists here and now. Happiness isn’t waiting for you somewhere out there; your choices and attitude create it in this moment.


A foolish person always waits for the future while letting the present slip away. But life is all about the here and now. If you miss out on today, you’ll end up missing everything. Don’t just let today go by thinking tomorrow will be better. Don’t expect miracles if you’re not willing to take action. Don’t put life on hold or wait for success to come to you. Live in the moment. Live for today. That’s all that truly belongs to you. Thank you for sticking with me until now. I hope you succeed in your life.