Sex & Life
Here we are. As times have changed, many aspects of life have transformed. The quality of life has improved, medical technology has advanced, and average life expectancy has increased. As people move beyond middle age into their later years, many maintain physical and mental health at levels that were unimaginable in the past. Those aged 60 and above often live more vibrantly and may feel psychologically much younger than previous generations. This raises curiosity about a particular aspect: sexual life in old age.
The term “sexual life” is often associated primarily with younger people. There is a deeply rooted perception that sexual desire is something mainly experienced during the energetic days of youth and that it fades or diminishes with age. However, in reality, sexual desire and interest in sex often do not entirely disappear, even in older age. Particularly for those in good physical condition, with no significant cardiovascular or musculoskeletal issues, many maintain an active sexual life, finding greater vitality and fulfillment through it.
Of course, discussing this topic may make some people feel uneasy or embarrassed. You might think, “At this age, why bother with such things?” and want to brush it off. However, sex is not merely about physical pleasure or the impulsive romance of youth. It is also a vital act of embracing one another, fostering connection, confirming intimacy, and feeling truly alive. For couples or partners in middle or old age, a sexual life is not just about fulfilling desires; it can serve as a precious bridge to maintaining closeness in relationships and sustaining enthusiasm for life.
At the same time, we must acknowledge that as we age, our bodily functions are not what they were in their prime. Conditions like cardiovascular diseases, hypertension, diabetes, or metabolic syndromes such as hyperlipidemia can emerge. For those already dealing with such illnesses, excessive sexual activity could increase the risk of severe outcomes like cardiac arrest or stroke. You may have heard news reports of individuals who have experienced heart attacks during sexual intercourse.
These are extreme cases that can occur when someone with specific health conditions engages in overly strenuous sexual activity, but they cannot be entirely dismissed. Medical opinions often indicate that individuals in their 40s and 50s are at a higher risk of sudden death during intercourse, as the incidence of cardiovascular diseases starts to rise around this age. Overly intense or unreasonable sexual activity could lead to sudden death.
Nonetheless, concluding that “sexual life is dangerous, so we should avoid it” would be too extreme. The positive effects of sexual activity are undeniable. Research shows that regular intimacy between couples can increase happiness, lower stress levels, enhance life satisfaction, and even extend lifespan. Among older men, sexual activity can reignite enthusiasm for life. When combined with proper exercise and a balanced diet, it can help alleviate chronic conditions. For women, intimacy strengthens emotional bonds with their partners, helping to overcome feelings of depression or loneliness.
However, as with anything, excess can become harmful. Sexual activity must be moderated according to one’s physical condition. Those under severe mental stress or with serious cardiovascular conditions, especially if their doctors have warned against overexertion, should consult a specialist first. It’s also wise to postpone sexual activity when physically exhausted or in poor health. Attempting sex after drinking alcohol is particularly risky, as it can spike blood pressure and potentially lead to sudden death. Since excessive alcohol consumption is a health hazard, especially in middle and old age, extra caution is needed.
In older age, overly intense or risky sexual practices carry greater risks than one might expect. For instance, applying pressure or constricting areas near the carotid artery can severely disrupt the body’s ability to regulate blood pressure and heart rate, and such actions must be strictly avoided. Additionally, casually using erectile dysfunction medications or so-called “potency drugs” can cause irregular heartbeats or respiratory distress, so they should never be taken without thorough consultation with a doctor.
Even if you feel perfectly fine, the potential for health issues increases with age, making it essential to approach sexual activity with caution. Despite these risks, sexual activity remains valuable for restoring human affection and intimacy. When approached with mutual understanding and care, it can help couples find a healthier rhythm in life. Checking your physical condition beforehand, taking prescribed medications as directed, and engaging in intimacy in a relaxed, safe environment are key. Sexual life in middle or old age should be approached without pressure and in sync with each other’s needs.
Everything is finite, and this body will eventually come to an end. In this process, sexual life in old age holds some significance; however, on a more fundamental level, we are prompted to reflect on how we live and prepare for our end. There’s an old saying about living and dying naturally. Still, when faced with our existential fears, worries, and pain, even that naturalness seems far from easy. Despite advancements in modern medicine and science, death remains an area beyond the full reach of human control.
Observations suggest that shortly before passing, various signs manifest in the body and mind. For instance, breathing may become drastically shallow and weak, to the point where it’s barely noticeable even to those nearby. In a healthy state, inhalation and exhalation are clear, with warm air being felt, but as one nears the end of life, the warmth in their breath often fades. When even placing a hand under the nose barely detects that faint flow, it is a signal that death is near. Additionally, language abilities may decline sharply, leaving some unable to speak at all.
Of course, not everyone experiences this uniformly, but generally, as brain function gradually weakens, the energy necessary for communication diminishes. This can lead to situations where someone wishes to convey final words to their children or family but lacks the strength to express them appropriately. Consequently, middle-aged children or family members may gently urge, “Please say anything you’d like, even now,” only to hear faint breathing in response.
Another telltale sign of impending death is a drop in body temperature. While alive, the body generates heat, and even slight warmth is detectable. However, as death approaches, the hands and feet grow increasingly colder, and even the chest begins to lose warmth. This subtle decline in temperature continues until the body reaches a state of extreme cold. For those witnessing it nearby, these moments can feel inexplicably heavy.
You may have heard the term “the final flare of life.” This phenomenon refers to a situation where someone nearing death suddenly appears more lucid and vibrant than usual, waking up with clarity or even eating well. Families may rejoice, thinking, “They’re finally getting better!” Unfortunately, the person often passes away the next day or within half a day. This is widely interpreted as the body burning its last reserves of energy in a single burst, akin to a final flare. In Buddhist terms, this phenomenon is often described as a special state where the mind and various biological energies momentarily awaken before fading away.
Beyond this, some individuals who can barely move under normal circumstances may experience a sudden surge of energy on their final day or the day before, getting up to change clothes or wash their face independently. Families feel both joy and unease at this fleeting improvement. The occurrence of such unexpected changes, seemingly transcending physical limits at the end of life, is both mysterious and poignant.
Sudden personality changes are also noticeable. A gentle person may become unusually irritable, while an irritable individual might suddenly appear remarkably mild. This could be a physiological response, as the brain receives uneven supplies of oxygen or nutrients when bodily functions reach their limits. Alternatively, some may intuitively sense their approaching death and express lingering regrets or attachments with intense emotion. Others report frequently dreaming of deceased loved ones or saying things like, “I heard my late parents calling me yesterday.” Such stories can send chills down the spines of living family members; however, in particular traditional beliefs, this is considered somewhat natural. As death nears, consciousness is said to hover at the boundary between this world and the next, where forgotten or significant connections resurface in the subconscious. Some even prepare mentally or pack their belongings, claiming, “My late mother is coming to take me.”
So, what is death from a Buddhist perspective? In Buddhism, death is viewed as a gateway to liberation but also as a moment where strong attachments and regrets can lead to painful cycles of reincarnation. Thus, letting go of desires is a critical task for practitioners. However, the concept of desire often leads to misunderstandings. Sexual desire is indeed a form of desire. Still, the notion that it must be eradicated applies primarily to monastic practitioners. For laypeople, engaging in sexual life through their life circumstances and relationships is considered crucial while wisely moderating desires to avoid harming themselves or others through excessive attachment. Excessive suppression or asceticism can damage health and lead to psychological frustration or obsession. The cessation of desire in Buddhist practice presupposes a natural dissolution. In other words, Buddhist practice involves gradually reducing attachments and desires in a balanced way.
For ordinary people, it is wiser to avoid extreme actions in a rush to eliminate desires and instead focus on balancing the body and mind while striving to make the remaining moments of life peaceful. As death approaches, many desires naturally fade. However, whether they have completely vanished or still linger is not the most critical question. At that moment, the greater concern is whether one can depart in peace, free from regrets or attachments. Of course, there may be unresolved stories, conflicts, or issues with family members. However, those nearing the end often lack the strength to express such thoughts, even if they wish to. Therefore, from the perspective of family or loved ones, it’s best to encourage expression as much as possible and offer comfort, even through simple gestures. From a medical standpoint, while sudden death or changes just before passing in terminally ill patients can be partially explained scientifically, many mysteries remain unresolved.
The exact mechanism of hoegwangbanjo (the final flare of life), the reality of dreams involving deceased loved ones, or the brief moment when someone in a prolonged coma regains consciousness remains enigmatic. As a result, spiritual and emotional care is increasingly emphasized alongside medical treatment, and hospice care systems are becoming more widespread. Even if it’s difficult to spend one’s final moments free of pain, helping someone depart with emotional stability and peace is a key goal today. To live a fulfilling life after middle age while preparing for the inevitable end, consistent health management is essential. Enjoying a sexual life without overexertion and reducing accumulated stress is also important. Finding joy and vitality through sexual activity is valuable. Still, it’s crucial to monitor one’s physical condition, avoid greed, and approach one’s partner with empathy and caution. The longer a couple or partners have been together, the deeper their connection becomes, allowing for a subtle yet rich love through mutual understanding.
If we wake each day with gratitude, thinking, “I’m alive today, and I’m thankful,” the death we eventually face is likely to feel less frightening and more natural. Buddhist scriptures encourage keeping death close and observing it as part of the practice of mindfulness, one of the four foundations of mindfulness. This isn’t meant to make us depressed or hopeless but rather to foster care and awareness. Of course, the reality of leaving loved ones is sad, and parting is painful. Yet, it’s precisely because life is finite that today becomes more precious. Knowing our bodies will one day fade makes us cherish the warmth, breath, and connection with others even more deeply. In this light, whether it’s sexual relations, emotional bonds with family, or the pursuit of inner peace, every moment is a profoundly valuable gift. The various physical and mental signs that appear near death can evoke fear. Still, they also serve as a prelude to life’s final chapter.
At such times, rather than clinging to the need to “fix” or “save” someone, the best we can do is offer warmth to ensure the departing person can face their end with comfort and dignity. Holding their cooling hands and feet, or, if they are calm, playing music, speaking softly, praying, or meditating, can help provide emotional stability. Even if a hoegwangbanjo moment occurs and they briefly seem revitalized, it may signal that the end is near. We should stay by their side with greater care, taking the opportunity to express gratitude and love. Studies suggest a connection between sexual activity and longevity; thus, a healthy sexual life, moderated wisely, can contribute to a longer life. However, if sexual activity veers into excessive greed or overexertion, it can increase the risk of sudden death. Since the moment of parting comes to everyone, even maintaining a healthy sexual life doesn’t mean we can declare, “I’m not afraid of death.” Maintaining a balanced perspective on life and death, living to the best of one’s ability, and approaching each day with gratitude for its finitude are what matter most.
Ultimately, adopting an attitude of living each day with awareness of life’s impermanence and gratitude is perhaps the most important thing. Life is never eternal, but it is precisely this impermanence that prompts us to cherish fleeting moments of joy and meaning. Someday, we will reach old age, and during this phase, we may rediscover the meaning of love. At this stage, intimacy is not merely about satisfying physical desires; it can catalyze emotional bonding with a partner and foster a positive will to live. By closely monitoring our physical condition, seeking medical advice, and utilizing appropriate medications or aids if necessary, we can cultivate closeness. Additionally, nurturing intimacy through gentle means, like walking together and talking, enhances our relationships.
As Buddhism teaches, everything arises and disperses according to conditions. Among the connections we form in life, the bond between spouses or partners is profoundly significant. If, in the latter half of our lives, we can make our remaining time with loved ones shine brighter, that alone brings immense happiness. To prepare for the inevitable parting, it is also necessary to resolve lingering issues and gradually mend any discord, calmly readying ourselves for the end.
In conclusion, many of you may be reflecting on your life: How have I walked this path? How much time remains? How will I live in that time? With a calm and serene mind, examine yourself, but don’t solely focus on the future—cherish the love and connection you share with someone by your side in this moment. Both our sexual experiences and our understanding of death ultimately come down to how we accept and find meaning in different aspects of life. Since we are born into this world, we are all destined to embark on a journey of departure someday. This journey isn’t filled only with physical pleasure; it may also carry fear, worry, reluctance, or regret. But aren’t even those emotions a testament to our humanity? For mature individuals in middle age, their long years have granted them richer experiences and insights. Don’t give up thinking it's too late; continue a healthy sexual life that brings vitality and joy in moderation.
At the same time, consider adopting an attitude of calmly preparing for life’s end, keeping that thought discreetly in the corner of your heart. If a loved one—or even you is nearing death, bedridden, or visibly weakening, observe the signs mentioned previously without excessive fear, and express love in the moments you can share. Even when words fail, warmth can be conveyed through a touch, and kindness through a glance. A gentle word or a small act of care can provide immense comfort to someone facing their final moments. Life is ultimately a tapestry of sex, death, joy, sorrow, and countless emotions—none of which can be neglected. Instead of judging sexual desires in old age with self-reproach, wondering why they persist, it’s wiser to think about how to maintain them healthily and beautifully. If health issues arise, seek medical help, be open with family or friends, ensure safety, and try again. For those who, despite serious illness, yearn to rekindle the passion of youth one last time, I urge utmost caution. Impulsive or reckless decisions can lead to profound regret or irreversible consequences.
Thank you sincerely to those who have patiently followed this lengthy discussion. If you now feel reassured that a sexual life in old age isn’t strange or if you’ve gained clarity about the signs of approaching death, I’m truly glad. Lastly, I kindly ask for your subscription, likes, and notification settings. I hope this talk, though long and complex, has conveyed meaningful insights. Life is like a novel long if you perceive it that way, yet filled with fleeting moments. Middle age might be the midpoint of that novel, or you may already be nearing the end. But no matter which page you’re on, you remain the author of your life. Though the remaining pages are uncertain, I sincerely cheer for you to fill each day with your best effort, crafting an ending without regrets. By feeling each other’s warmth within safe boundaries, cherishing yourself, and preparing to embrace both sexual desires and the shadow of death, you can adopt the most dignified attitude possible. Keep the spark of desire alive in moderation, share the passion rising from deep within with your partner, and rather than fearing the moment of parting that may come one day, cultivate a warm embrace for it. If, when your days come to an end, you can smile and say, "I loved, I lived fully, and I tried to cherish others until the end," wouldn’t that be the most perfect conclusion?
Thank you so much for staying with me. I hope this has been a story worthy of your precious time. I look forward to sharing deeper discussions with more people. If you haven’t subscribed yet, please hit the subscribe button, like this video, and enable notifications to stay up-to-date with the next one. Your support and engagement mean the world to me. It must have taken time to read this lengthy text, and I’m deeply grateful for your effort. I wish you health and many days filled with laughter and happiness alongside your loved ones.